
There was a doorway 70 yards up the narrow canyon of the street. At street level small shops were shuttered behind rolling gates and metal doors. Even then it was a one-way street, uptown traffic entering from wider avenues as it funneled into the labyrinth of the downtown quarter.
All the cities phantoms could be felt there. At the corner, kiosks displayed manufactured headlines, Disney comics, Uncle Scrooge and Donald eating Nestle chocolate. The lines of desperate housekeepers had disappeared, bread, butter and cooking oil suddenly appearing from stores hoarded underground. The broom-seller would still appear in the early hours hawking his wares as always, shrouded in rags, early morning fog and hoarse intonations, but over time, his lamenting call would fade in the low growl of incoming traffic.
In the past, wagons drawn by horses piled with produce for the market along the river would squeal wooden wheels and ring hooves against the stone of the street. Sometimes still in the desperate hours of night we could hear hooves echo but discern no wagon, no driver.
There was no traffic now, only eddies of stray newspaper sheets and trash relentlessly pulled and snagged towards the upper stories of the buildings glittering gray and raw in the weak streetlights. Already there was the smell of bread. Rising, I reasoned, from a subterranean place somewhere below through gratings set near the curbs. Curbs chiseled by hands and hammer as always by unknown workers from the cold grey Andean stone that surrounded the city. If you knew where to look, you could always find a sharp shard or sliver of stone, to use as a dagger or tool.
Outside, watchful for undercurrents of resistance, the dragon waited, its
glittering scales guarding treasures against delusional threats. Trucks loaded with soldiers would randomly roll down the street. The soldiers, disfigured by haircuts and blunt razors, were nearly children still, young boys from the provinces fed lies and fear by priests and generals.
I had spied on them, watched them suddenly stop and perform their drills. They would move with their backs against the buildings, spidering around entryways, swiftly pointing carbines into dark places, scanning the windows of the apartments above them for rebels resistance and phantoms. I had seen the bodies and pools of blood left behind by these groups of young men. Once because I could not help myself, because it was a precious treasure, an act of resistance, I watched late day maneuvers from behind the mattresses we had put up against the balcony railings. One soldier saw me from his dark perch atop the dome of the Palace of Fine Arts and sent a bullet whistling past me. I tasted gunpowder and fell down to the ground, thinking I had been hit, a ringing in my ears. The ringing went on for days, I never told a soul. I became more fearful but also more careful, and never stopped watching the shadow play.
I knew that boys like these Orcs*, night doppelgangers stolen and twisted from the heart of the frozen nation were the root and stock of the future, authentic and legitimate inheritors, subjects of the dream the dead had dared to dream.
Boys, spell cast and charmed along the Humboldt Current towards the Antarctic Circle, held my father and others in cages and behind bars, in camps and secret prisons.
I could smell the fear emanating from them. Early on I had learned to recognize the effects of hunger and rags, the trembling fear of stray dogs, the ferocious innocence of survival. Knowing the tragic nature of their homespun terror my revulsion and fear were paired with a measure of compassion.
In order to bypass the checkpoints of soldiers on the main road that led to my school I would take a trek through the fields that surrounded the grounds, jumping irrigation ditches and fences. Once I heard a rustling, and in the corn I saw a friend. His father had worked at the school and disappeared in the first days of darkness.
His head was bleeding with deep gashes, the soldiers had caught him, the same boys who had taken his father away. They had given him a haircut with their bayonets. He was washing off in the irrigation ditch. He had no shoes, his toes were muddy, tough and seemed prehensile, the soles of his feet calloused. I remember admiring him for that, he was Tom Sawyer in a demented Oz. He explained a safe route in, told me to be safe and careful. I never saw him again.
In a room lit by strawberry scented candles, listening to outlawed music. From the window I could see the doorway, a caged light in blue grey dimness briefly outlining its contours. I had stayed too long. Cigarettes and poetry, Castaneda, wine and an American girl, both of us so much older then, during the winter of the Dragon in Santiago, then we would be later. I had forgotten the time and stayed past the curfew. It was especially dangerous during the first hour.
The goblin horde preyed on late workers struggling to make it home far away in a ghost town devoid of transport. The flesh of a cousin or brother seemed delectable, teeth gnashing. The poorer the prey, the younger, the more feminine, the older, the sicker, the more enticing, the better to expedite guilt.
It was 70 yards to the doorway at 12:30 in the morning, my friend crying now, certain we would be caught, her mother at the American Embassy not knowing she had entertained the wrong boy that night. I would take the service stairs down the back side, the door downstairs would open onto the street and lock behind me, I would have to run and open the service door to the building I lived in and disappear before a patrol or truck or sniper spotted me, a shadow on the forbidden streets of a city I had once known.
During working hours, if we left the building, we were constantly watched and monitored by men in ill -fitting suits and sunglasses. Often, late at night, the stairs would host the marching of boots as squads of soldiers would arrive led by a colonel who somehow would try to seduce my mother with raids, searches and bottles of fine wine. I would go to my room, the soldiers would walk through pointing guns, silent, waiting for any reason at all, smelling of fear. I would hear my mother's delightful laughter, charming the Nazgul* in the living room, gaining another reprieve, weaving an enchantment for protection.
There were informers everywhere. Building managers had disappeared and been replaced by patriotic former soldiers. There were shopkeepers longing for favors, as well as idiots and neo fascists tugged by the need for recognition by the shock troops of the new nation of interconnectivity. Outside the dragon waited and I was already a thief. Found after curfew on the streets I would taste more than gunpowder, end up with more than a bayonet haircut. I would be phantomed, become one of the early dawn spirits that I could sense in the morning fog of the street. I would disappear.
Growing in the mountains and hills surrounding the city there were trees and shrubs known to have medicinal properties. Travelers from the south often came to the city
with herbs and leaves, but many grew nearby. These were used for a vast number of known ailments and human conditions. The Canelo tree, sacred to the Mapuche natives could be used for rheumatism and circulatory problems, its disinfectant qualities helped in healing lesions of the skin. Little leaves of Cedron or Boldo, infusions of Quillay or Maqui. For sadness, for ulcer, for love, for fortune.
Up in the quebradas of the mountains, in canyons where trees still whispered, I could almost let myself remember how hard things were. The mountains knew how to care for me, through cold and fire, through silence and impatience. I would climb and seek the shrubs and trees, fill plastic bags with leaves and bark. Sometimes, alone I was able to risk enough, scrambling through dangerous and steep terrain. There was always someone up in the hills, an old woman, a boy, a man. Knowing the road and the hills, seeing my bundles, telling where to go, when a bus might come by, where to buy bread, how to jump fences, escape dogs.
I asked my friend to lend me her blue sweater. It was the kind used by most students.I wanted to look like a student. Suddenly down the road near the kiosk lights appeared, we ducked back from her window. There was shouting and the sound of a scuffle, the sound of a truck grinding to a stop. The smell of diesel wafted up to us, we heard a soldier asking questions and a low keening, almost a wail, in reply. Spotlights shined down the street and glinted off the windowpane. I could smell bread baking. There were scuffling sounds and then a brief moment of complete dark, before the truck started again and careened up the street against the usual traffic flow. We looked out a few seconds later to see an open truck full of little goblins take a jackknifing turn onto the circular avenue along the river and its tall trees.
Now. I ran down the stairs towards the back street entrance and looked through the thick scratched glass and could see nothing. My friend stood at the top of the stairs. I told her I'd signal her from my window soon and not to worry. I stepped out and was closing the door quietly when out of the next doorway someone familiar appeared. He was cursing and didn’t seem to notice me. As I crept passed him, he whispered, 'Hey, chicillo, (kid) what are you doing? Get home, be careful, those mother fuckers are crazy and you're not in the hills now.
I knew him because he sold herbs on the sidewalks downtown, constantly both harassed and sought after, by police and cognoscenti. He has made crude maps for me on scraps of newspaper and old lotto tickets, places where good things grew. Many years later, I saw a Lonely Planet postcard with him surrounded by wares somewhere in Mordor*.
His handwritten signs in pencil on cardboard next to bundles stems and open bags of aromatic leaves. I don't remember seeing him again either, although I looked for him many years later when I returned.
The key, usually stubborn and useless, glided smoothly and the door swung in, opening easily. I made my way up six flights silently in the dark. Slipping in I went to my room and lit my bedside lamp, I held it against the window facing the street, the crack in the old casements whistling softly with the winds coming from the snow peaked mountains that surround the city. I turned it off and on several times, random signals.
She did the same, 70 yards up the street. Her signals would bounce off a big sign halfway between us on the other side of the street. It was hung from a third story balcony and sometimes got clipped by tall trucks. When they reached me I could see them in a mirror I had facing the street at a calculated angle.
On the short wave radio, I heard news from across the world. Vietnam was unraveling, Deep Purple was playing somewhere in the distance. No news about the Zombies and killings, no international peace-keepers on the way in big transport planes and helicopters. I would not make it to the mountains again before we would escape. Outside it had started raining. Nothing stopped the rain, or forced it to cooperate. It helped the plants grow, it helped the trees, it crowned the mountains. The blue was never more heart crunching than when the final clouds blew away and the mountains appeared wreathed in sky and snow. I knew that there in those places something was waiting. Something not determined by the senseless tragedy that was Santiago that winter, but as real as bread and as powerful as bombs. Part of it was embedded in the music poetry and colors that were now illegal, bits of it in our neglected folklore, in wine, in the plants and trees, in the earth itself. It extended way beyond 70 yards of street with its phantoms and whistling bullets, woven into what we had dreamt we could become, before the dragon awoke.
Francisco Letelier 2009
* Nazgul, Orcs and Mordor are creatures and places of darkness from 'The Lord of the Ring, JRR Tolkien's classic trilogy. Along with Carlos Castaneda's first books about his relationship with Don Juan, a Yaqui Indian Shaman, Tolkien's world became a place of refuge for me during the months after the military coup in Chile (1973).
Note:
Quebrada is the term often used for 'canyon ' in Spanish, literally meaning a break or broken place. The designation is elusive however since it can refer variously to a small stream or brook which can not be navigated, or a dry steep wash or arroyo. Sometimes a quebrada is a narrow canyon or differently a narrow passage, as in a pass through the mountains and so does not refer directly to the ravine itself or to the waters which may have been its catalyst but to the fact that it provides a way through the mountains or cliffs. Additionally it may also be used to describe a wide high mountain valley or gorge.

